POSTNATAL BLUES

by Saturday, November 21, 2015

I’ve come across the term ‘postnatal depression’ also known as ‘postpartum depression’ so many times, and more during my pregnancy than ever. Skimming through various info snippets here and there on all the pregnancy and maternity websites that I found myself glued to on most nights during my third trimester! Never really giving it much thought, being more focused and worried about how I was going to get through labour before anything else. And I know I’m not the only one, I feel like most first time mums end up doing this and I don’t blame us! The idea of pushing a little human out of you has been my biggest fear in life, until I actually went through it! I literally had this idea in my naive little head that getting that little human out will be the most difficult thing, and then actually looking after this little human would be a breeze…

Yeah, try NO Dina.

Don’t get me wrong, Labour is one of the most difficult things you will ever endure, BUT those first few weeks of your baby’s life are one million and one times more difficult than anything you’ll ever imagine. Well, it was for me anyway.

I spent ZERO time thinking and preparing about what life AFTER birth would be like and spent ALL my time reading up on labour tips, focusing on exercise to make sure I don’t put on ‘too’ much baby weight & acting on all the old wives tales you hear to help you with various things during pregnancy. Looking back, I wish someone would have told me to start preparing myself on how to take care of a newborn, maybe taught me a thing or two like changing a nappy! Yep, I didn’t know how to change a nappy and the first time I had to, I almost FREAKED OUT.  For some of you reading this you might think that’s kind of pathetic, BUT I’ve never changed a baby’s nappy before, ever.

Let’s face it though there’s probably no REAL preparation for taking care of a newborn, other than to just GET ON WITH IT and let that natural motherly instinct take over, but I wish I had at least psyched myself up for it.

Although I don’t feel like I actually experienced postnatal depression which is a very serious condition, I feel like I was very close to it, baby blues perhaps. It’s difficult to try and explain it but having a baby was such a shock to the system. My system, Sid’s system, even the cats’ system!

I found myself bursting into tears for most parts of the day for what seems like no reason.  Every couple of hours or so and it would happen mainly when feeding baby. I ‘d look down at her and just be in shock coming to the realisation that I was responsible for this little human, yet she seemed so tiny and fragile, how would I ever know how to take care of her? Sometimes I’d cry just because Sid would ask me how I was feeling and I’d cry without a doubt every time baby cried. Baby’s first bath I cried because she cried, baby smiled in her sleep I even cried! I don’t know what I was feeling, I just know it wasn’t a happy feeling but not a sad one either. Maybe that’s just what shock feels like, a huge surge of overwhelmingness? It got to a point where Sid was questioning my happiness, why wasn’t I happy, we’ve just had our baby?! To which I’d reassure him that I was happy but the truth is I didn’t know if I was happy, and every time I was asked what was wrong I’d say that I simply didn’t know. Because I didn’t.

The first week to ten days was the most difficult and I began to feel suddenly very lonely, although I had my family over for a few days and I was with Sid after, it was the loneliest I’ve ever felt. I tried as best I could to surpress my feelings and be ‘strong’, worried I’d be judged as not capable, or over possessive, or crazy even but it was so difficult to hold it in. Resulting to a crazy mood swinging lunatic Dina. I soon began to appreciate my mother and all mothers, that’s for sure. I can’t even begin to imagine how any single mothers are able to cope with one child let alone two or more. You women are truely the definition of heroes!

“Sitting hurts, add an ‘h’ after the S in ‘sitting’ and that hurts too!”

 

Of course the physical pain and effects of labour don’t help your emotional state either. You come home with the little human feeling like you’ve been run over by a truck fifty times over, completely and utterly exhausted and yet you have no time to recover because now, you are a MUM. That still sounds so alien to me. Everyone tells you to sit down and relax while they hold baby for a bit, but you can’t sit, sitting hurts, add an ‘h’ after the S in ‘sitting’ and that hurts too! Although at least the time you get to spend in the loo is a form of ‘escapism’ now. It’s crazy, I never thought I’d end up saying that washing the dishes, house work and feeding the cats has now become ‘me time.’ I guess on the positive side, you’re time management skills are being trained to a T! And then of course there are those inevitable changes your body faces during pregnancy and what you’re left with after. Although my stomach went down pretty quick and my weight is pretty much what I am normally at this time of year, it’s still not the same. You feel, wobbly and your chest area is now as big as your great grannys was at the best of times.

Sometimes I get this weird feeling even now, close to six weeks later. It’s a strange feeling of disgust. Disgust at my body, disgust at the sight of boobs all day everyday because of the feeding situation. And then I get disgusted at random things like the fact I’ve just been sitting in the same spot for hours, nursing and changing, It’s a very strange mood to be in.

mmeme

“I sleep, I sleep for hours, I sleep until I can sleep no more” Said no mother ever.

You suddenly go from being fully free, (and I mean it, you don’t realise how much freedom and time you have in your previous life) to having this little human as your ultimate priority. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING you do revolves around little human. When you will pee, when to brush your teeth, when to eat, when to get dressed, shower, talk to your friends, wash your hands, mositurise your face, and most importantly, when you will SLEEP.

Aaah sleep, how you are the stranger to me now. My dreams are now a similar description to this:

|     Dina in a big bright white room. In the middle of the room is a queen sized bed with crisp clean bright white bedding. Dina looks down to a snuggly view of fluffly winter slippers and lovely checkered jim jams. Dina walks over to queen size bed, there’s a bedside table with a hot cup of chocolate that Dina picks up and sips… aaaah. Dina then gets into queen size bed, pulls the duvet over her, closes her eyes and Dina sleeps.

Dina sleeps. Dina sleeps for hours. Dina sleeps until she can sleep no more.   |

I’ve dreamt this dream about ten times since my baby arrived.

I know.

Everything you do, even what used to be the tiniest of tasks suddenly become huge tasks, and if done successfuly they become your daily or weekly achievements. It seems impossible that you will ever beable to establish a routine, retain your sanity and never mind trying to get back into work or getting back into shape. Imagine, giving yourself a mental high five JUST because you managed to moisturise your face that day! Then there’s the taking the baby out task, oh gosh it’s so difficult to go out with a baby. I still can’t imagine taking her anywhere that requires a car journey by myself. The whole ‘carseat’ situation frightens me, infants never quite look comfortable in them and so I would freak out if I wasn’t sitting at the back checking on her every minute. And even though I know it’ so important to try and get some ‘me time’ I’m still to go anywhere without my little human yet, I don’t think I even want to right now. Currently in ‘possessive, attached, panicked, my baby-my way and overly worried about everything’ kind of phase.

Visitors, they’re lovely. They want to come and see the little human and congratulate you, celebrate with you. Unfortunately the last thing on a new mums mind is visitors. You can barely brush your teeth let alone try and look half decent to greet people. Then there’s the worry of dealing with other people handling the little human, kissing the little human, sharing all of their wordly germs with your little human, doing things their way especially if the visitor is older and has already had kids, lots of kids. The pressure of having to listen to everyones advice that’s coming of course from a good place but really you don’t want to know. Every mum will do things her way at the end of the day, right?

I’m a lot better now, thank god. I realised what I needed was my family around me, mum especially. Sid’s support is just as important, but sometimes a girl just needs her mum. So  I went and stayed in Cardiff for about ten days and it was almost like a crash course into motherhood with the support of my mum, family & the distractions of a noisy household. Distraction for me was perfect, it left me no time to sit and over think things, or feel lonely and sorry for myself. I stayed long enough to want go back home and just ‘get on with it’, being a mum that is.

I think it’s fundamental to have a support network around you, physically but more importantly emotionally. If it’s just you and your partner it’s important to communicate your feelings and it’s so important for your partner to be aware of the ‘baby blues’ even if they don’t ‘get it’. It doesn’t matter, they just need to be there and listen to when you need to sob your heart out over ‘nothing’ and for when you get those crazy overwhelming realisations. Understand that what this new mother is going through is far from ‘silly’ she is not ‘complaining’ and don’t underestimate how dangerous it can be to let her continue in sadness. It’s so easy to become trapped and end up in a downward spiral into this strange, unknown unexplainable darkness

BUT it does get better. When you ‘overthink’ on the positive rather than the shocking changes you’re facing. When you start becoming a nappy changin pro, when you become a burping pro, when you get a little rewarding smile from your little human, when you somehow manage four hours of uninterrupted sleep, when you figure out a comfortable nursing position, when you manage to brush your teeth more than once that day, when your partner tells you you’re superwoman, when you start having fun dressing up your little human, when you cuddle your little human, and when you get random bursting feelings of pure love for your little human, you start to enjoy motherhood. More importantly, you enjoy your little human.

Children are such a huge , huge blessing from God and they really do bring a whole new meaning to the purpose of your life.

And when you do manage to escape those ‘post baby blues’, you will never be able to imagine life without, your little human.

 “Lucky is the woman, whose first child is a daughter”

Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم)

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  • Shabnam Bibi
    November 22, 2015

    This sums up exactly how I felt when I had my baby boy- so true! X

    • Sanah
      November 23, 2015

      SubhanAllah that is exactly how I felt. Exactly. And no one ever warns you about it. Spot on blog. I enjoyed reading it.

      • Lori
        December 5, 2015

        Asalaamu alaikum,

        Love your honesty, Dina.

        We pray God to give you continued strength and blessings.

        You are a beautiful creation of God, with or without make-up. Our true worth is in what lives inside our hearts, which inevitably evidences in all that we do.

        God be with you all.

    • Wahiebah
      November 26, 2015

      Alhumduliela, in Birth and after birth women all over the world go through the same challenges and problems. But it is the most rewarding thing to be a mother. The most rewarding thing that is so understated is being a mother and after I had my son I thanked my mother and to this day I still thank her because raising children is not easy and big ups to all the mothers out there. Where would we all be with out the love, time and support of our mothers. SubhanAllah Allahu Akbar

  • Zubeida
    November 22, 2015

    Pregnancy seems soo difficult omg! So glad u had support from ur family and loved 1s. Allah make it easy for U Inshallah!

  • Bev
    November 22, 2015

    I know I don’t know you, but I think you are doing an AMAZING JOB. It is hard to be a mother, it is not easy and I think you are doing well. Masa’Allah you have a wonderful family to help you and you are in all your viewers duas everyday. Keep up the good work and InshaAllah, it will be easier for you and if not easier, you find creative ways to manage everything. Salam
    -Bev

    • mo
      November 23, 2015

      Not only was your daughter born but a mother was born,before that experience you weren’t a mother.

  • Samira
    November 22, 2015

    I cried whilst reading this because this time last year I felt exactly the same. I sometimes think to myself if I could go back now I would be so much better at it. I think the adjustment is the hardest part, but once you are in a good routine it becomes a lot easier. Newborns are really hard to look after, especially if its your first, but trust me it gets easier.

    I definitely believe that if I had a second child it would be a lot easier the second time around as I’m already in a routine and I have that experience so I now know what works and what doesn’t work.

    I also can relate to people pushing their opinions on you, telling you what to do/what not to do. As a new mother whose hormones and emotions are all over the place, this is the last thing we need. I have learnt to just ignore it, they can give us advice but that doesn’t mean we have to listen. Don’t overthink things, just follow your instincts.

    Thanks for writing this blog.. I’m sure it is helpful to a lot of new mums.

    Good luck x x

    • Sumaiya
      November 23, 2015

      Thats exactly what I thought, until I has my second and realised that every baby is different and looking after 2 is way harder than having just the one. Experience counts for nothing when its comes to babies.

      • Nausheen
        November 24, 2015

        Exactly my thoughts Sumaiyya! I thought it would be a lot easier when I have 2, but that wasn’t the case at all. It was the most toughest year of my life when I had my second child. Having first was like a calk walk for me.

      • Sam
        January 1, 2016

        Lovely blog cried while reading it. My baby girl is 6 months old and mashallah she is my 6th child a huge gap between the other kids my oldest is mashallah 16, 12, twins 10 and second youngest 8. I Thot the baby blues will dissolve in a few months time but was wrong I still get very emotional and cry on little things, get angry on lots of things that have no meaning to I think it depends how u deal with things and what’s happening in ur life and it’s a matter of being patient and dealing with it on ur own time. But mashallah i naturally coped with all my kids even when I had my twins and many asked which was easy to look after I replied it didn’t seam I had twins. As one twin always loved staying home with her father the other liked going out with me but missed her twin so had to rush back but I never had to feed or change them at the same time they never had tantrums at the same time never fussed together. One twin was alway patients the other twin did cry mostly but I managed to ignore the cry. If u give up and attend to them they now Wat works and will keep on doing it. When it came to potty training I struggled with my two boys they were a handful but never had any trouble with my girls, my eldest twin she trained herself:) was so proud of her she took off her nappy and just went to the toilet and she trained her younger twin and then her youngest sister. Every child is different once u get the hang of the first child and you’ve put in a routine/schedule which works for u not ur child then ur a superwoman that is what I did I set up a routine and never let anything disturb it then when my child got use to it and was settled a slight change happened such as staying out late visiting someone etc they would go back to their schedule. If ur routine isn’t sitting with ur child Don’t back out or give in keep trying till it works ur child will test u be strong and keep at it because in the long run its benificial for u and u will get a lot of things done in ur time once the routine is in place.

    • Fatima
      November 24, 2015

      I found that having my second was SO much easier than having my first :) not because of routine but simply because you’ve done it before and it’s not a complete shock to the system. It’s harder in some ways having 2 but it’s also easier.

  • Aigerim
    November 22, 2015

    Dear Dina, i feel for you!! I’ve read this blog post as if it was Me who was writing this. Everything you wrote is just exactly what I felt when I gave birth to my son 16 months ago.

    Breastfeeding was such a big issue for me, the first day me and my son got out of the hospital where I had a CS i had a lactostasis… horrible thing.. since then breastfeeding had a negative association for me for long time

    visitors was a huge issue for me, I live with my in laws, and they have a big family.. so we had lots of visitors and it really got me even more stressed

    overall my schedule, routine was absolutely upside down after giving birth. and it frustrated me

    another thing that frustrated me is that i didn’t feel happy as i expected. I didn’t feel love for my newborn, only instincts led me to breastfeed and take care after my then newborn son.

    what helped me?
    -I prayed to Allah even at nights, even for 2-3 minutes
    – I tried to take naps whenever possible, although I couldn’t relax properly because I felt some sort of responsibility for household chores (even though my mom in law let me know that my first and foremost responsibility from now on is only baby and myself)
    – i talked about my feelings with women who have recently given birth to their children or who at least have toddlers
    – i wrote about my feelings in the diary
    – i cried when i wanted
    – i stoped criticizing myself for not feeling what i had expected myself to feel
    – i would dream about who my child
    would be in the future and what we would do together as a family, what i would teach him and etc.
    – i took walks with him in the stroller in the nearest parks
    – i would do the housework and some other chores while my in laws would hold a baby
    – i would share my feelings with my husband so that he knew what i was going through
    – i would remind myself that this is TEMPORARY

    Now my son is 16months old and i can tell that EVERYThING PASSED, now we have other issues, such as like potty training, entertaining him and etc.

    Also a lot of help I got from this online event http://www.bethebestparentyoucanbe.com/

    You shouldn’t blame yourself for being in this situation, nobody is born as a ready mother, but we learn to be one. I wish you and tour family all the best and i am sure this will pass! Good that you shared your feelings! There are like thousands of women who go through this. May Allah help you

  • sady
    November 22, 2015

    Salams Dina
    it’s very good that you have addressed this, everyone definately needs supoortive family and sisters at times like this. Being positive and keeping happy is like a mountain trek with baby & all pressures. May Allah always keep you and your baby smiling.Ameen
    ps. Try to stay in company of people who make you laugh.

  • Naima
    November 22, 2015

    Wauw! That’s all u thought when I read your story…

    I have so much respect for the fact that you are soooo honest! Really it not easy and sometimes you just wanna shut the door of your bedroom and let everything be!

    I’m 25 years old and 5 moths ago I had my second child alhamdoulilah.
    I was soo happy during pregnancy and I thought it would be much easier than the first time. I can not even find the words to tell you about the first child. Second time was worse…
    No I had to deal with a girl who wants my full attention and a newborn who also wants my full attention and I’m not even talking about my husband.

    I thought that I was going crazy! One day I found myself crying because everything was to much. My husband was at work, my daughter at school and I was trying to get het from school ON TIME! Everything went wrong.
    He was hungry, but he was just finished with eating, then I noticed that I needed to change his nappy but his clothes also because everything was dirty. I was to late at school and my daughter was crying because she thought I wasn’t coming anymore because I had a new baby and I don’t want her anymore.
    I went home, youssef ( the baby) was a sleep in de pram and amira ( my daughter ) was playing in her room. I went to my room and cried until there were no tears left.
    It felt great!

    Tis happend many times but now I’m able to handle the situation much better.

    I want to say that I have much respect for you, and the way you are honestly talking about the rough times you had. It’s not easy to tell about it, let alone to strangers who also can judge in a negative way.

    Dina, take you time! Your baby grows sooo fast! Enjoy every little moment! Not now, because you have to much other stuff on your mind. But when you got the hang of it.. dont take anything for granted! Alhamdoulilah for you healthy and beautiful little family!

    I will keep you in my prayers!
    Thank you alot for are your fun videos and that you give us mums something to enjoy when our little kids are a sleep.

    Keep up the good work! You are a strong women. Don’t let anyone kill your spirit!

    Much love, from Holland.
    Salam alikom, Naima.

  • Hasna M.
    November 22, 2015

    Hey, Dina! You have just received a fan mail and you’re about to read it now. Lol! This blog post overwhelmed me and triggered this sudden expression of support.

    I have been a “fan” of you for almost two years now. Somehow, you’ve become much more from “a person I adore from the Internet” to a person I seriously consider a role model, a friend, or an older sister even, whom I love and look up to (though you have completely no idea I exist). It may sound weird, but that’s how it is like to a 19 year old struggling with her own issues who suddenly saw in a living being with so many qualities she shares with (from style to circumstances to personality!), and has already achieved and embodies a lot of what she wants and WHO she wants to be in the future.

    You inspire me everyday just by sharing snippets of your life through your videos and instagram. Funny what impact social media can make nowadays. I wouldn’t miss a day without checking updates from you, lol! In fact, when you announced your pregnancy and your childbirth, I felt genuinely moved and joyful — an understatement for the happiness I felt.

    I only know you through what you put up in your sites, but after reading this I can’t help but look up to you more now; even more than a fashion icon or my “muslimah” role model, but as a regular person. Dina, I respect you on a whole new level now. I had no idea mums went through these kinds of challenges and after reading you speak your mind about it, I view things differently. I respect you for being so strong and eloquently honest about yourself, for giving an insight to how much mothers go through, for rekindling my sometimes wavering love for my mom in one way or another, and simply for being yourself.

    I loved the content of this write-up and I will pray for you in Shaa Allah to be the best mom to Hana and wife to Sid. May Allah keep His blessings coming for your little family. You don’t know how much change and inspiration you are making out there! I’m always here, a tiny dot from your sea of followers, low key giving my love for you through my duaa’s from this side of the world. Thank you for existing, you lovely human!

  • Saltanat
    November 22, 2015

    Hi Dina,

    Congratulations on the birth of your little girl. May Allah swt bless her with health, wisdom, peace and Iman.

    Reading through this post I empathised with you, and laughed along, and felt your pain. When I had my first daughter I went through very similar emotions and experiences.

    I too wished that someone had actually told me just how difficult it would be post-labour.

    I wrote some thoughts regarding what I’d learnt after having baby no 1 (I now have two daughters) here, and you may benefit from it somewhat:

    http://themodestbride.com.au/lessons-learnt-from-baby-no-1/

    I’m happy to help in any way fm via email if you do have any questions or concerns. It’s important to sometimes get things out without judgement, and a fellow new mother is the perfect candidate.

    May Allah swt grant you strength and patience!

    Kindest, Saltanat.

  • Yasmin
    November 22, 2015

    Aigerism, I feel sorry that you had to go through so much. You might enjoy it or see the positives of living with your in laws but I would have hated it. Alhamdulila I dont have to live with them. Might make me sound like a nasty person but I am just being honest. Things and people are so different now and so many things have changed from the time the older generation had their children. They should just let us women to make our own mistakes and learn from them and do things how we want to. And if their help/advice was needed then we would ask for it. This topic really gets me going! lool Good luck Dina, you will find your feet and all of this will become second nature and despite everything you are doing great!

  • Faye
    November 22, 2015

    Congrats on your baby Dina! Hang in there mumma it does get alot better!! I recommend the book ‘Save our Sleep’ by Tizzie Hall. It saved my sanity! It’s fantastic for establishing routine. I started routines for both my babies at around the 10 week mark.

    Good luck love xx

  • Aneesa
    November 22, 2015

    Salaam Dina.. I read through everything you wrote and honestly, I started crying. The exact same thing happened to me on 21st November last year. I was pretty much excited whilst I was pregnant, but after the baby I wasn’t.
    I would just sit there and think to myself, oh God why did I have this baby?! For the first 5 weeks I had literally 2 hours of sleep each day or sometimes less. Before the baby, I use to sleep at least 11 hours each day. My girl would cry day and night. It was just me and my husband living together and it was really difficult. I would be walking up and down the room all night carrying baby to make her quiet, but no, it wouldn’t work.
    I came to a point where I would think, I should just die than coping with this. She’s a year old now and wallah she still gets up twice during the night, however, it’s much better than before.
    I appreciated my mother to another level because she done this 6 times, where I couldn’t do it once. But, my baby was really hard to cope with.
    I honestly don’t know how I’m gonna cope if I have more kids.
    I wish life becomes much easier for you and baby and I hope you succeed in every next step you take.. Ameen x

    • Sumaiya
      November 23, 2015

      May Allah reward you for your patience sister Aneesa. I have 2 and each baby is different. Shes only 1 and I promise InshaAllah it will get better

  • Kellogs
    November 22, 2015

    Hi Dina
    Well done for managing to find the time to write an honest review of childbirth and motherhood. I struggle to find the time to go to the loo. For example I’m writing this while folding washing and it 9.45 pm on a Sunday night after organising 3 boys for school tomorrow. My story as short as I can is.. When my first son was born I was 20 been married for 1 year I had a horrible 30 hour labour and gave birth with the help of a vontouse I was long hard and extremely emotional after he was born I felt all the emotions that you have explained in your post except I didn’t have any support from my mum at all that’s maybe in another post. My husbands mum came over from Egypt and basically taught me everything I needed to know she really was a god send my absolute angel she stayed with me for a month and she really helped me she was even telling me what would happen to my body in what days and sure enough it happened. After 3 years I had son number 2 quite a quick labour compared to my first and no stitches gas and air and a lot of things I hadn’t felt before as i had epidural the last time. When I came home my husband within 3 weeks had been called to Egypt to sort out some army issue and was there 1 month don’t ask me how I did it a 3 year old and a newborn no help mother in law in Egypt as well as my husband. Anyway long story short 360 days after giving birth to my second out came my 3rd son … So I had a 4 year old a 1 year old and a newborn craziness………. I don’t know how I did it to be honest and even when I think about it now I wonder how I did. 4 weeks after he was born we received the sad news that my lovely mother in law had been in a car accident and had broken her back. My husband quickly booked the flight to go to Egypt. I was all alone and never felt so alone in all my life. 1 week later my mother in law passed away and 1 week after that my husband returned a broken man. Rightly so, I had to look after the boys and him and it all now just a blur to be honest. Now I have a 15 year old a 11 year old and a 10 year old although still not confident that I am doing things correctly I worry about the quality of job I’m doing. It really pees me off when people ask me are you working or are you JUST at home do you know what JUST at home means it ranges from a chef to a toilet cleaner a councillor to a boxing ring ref …. Anyway God blessed me with a lovely daughter 8 months ago [whom I named after my mother in law ] I’m still scared and feel like a new mum I did the crying… Crying when my husband went to work crying when he came home crying because I felt like a cow crying because she wasn’t feeding properly and crying because I thought she was lonely at one point. Motherhood isn’t the easy option at all especially people like us who want to do it properly and obvious cultural differences between my family and my husbands family about bringing up children I found quite difficult lonely and daunting. But Dina may I say that Dina the you tuber Dina the fashion designer Dina the one that always looks fabulous in your pictures and Dina the fun loving wife the traveller the blogger the twin the sister daughter and granddaughter you have just taken a massive step closer to being a friend for me and a human I know that sounds weird but your very real now and by you writing this very honest view about life as a married woman with children’s and cats. This has made me think do you know what I may not be happy about myself I may think I’m doing a bad job but I am human just like Dina I need sleep just like Dina and I have been lonely just like Dina. Very very very well done May God protect you your husband a lovely baby girl xxxxx thank you

    • usra
      November 23, 2015

      Boxing ring refree…a mother of Boys would completely understand this phrase….I too am one with my two boys- always,like meaning ALWAYS fighting..hard physical fighting

    • Kamelia
      November 23, 2015

      Loved reading this also. All
      Power to you lovely! MashAllah I don’t know how you do it with 4 kids! Keep
      up the amazing work and may Allah swt make it easy on you. Dont worry about what anyone says- you know what’s best for you and what makes you and your family happy x

      • Kellogs
        November 24, 2015

        Thank you lovely never really speak about my feelings so maybe this is the cheapest therapy lol
        Only joking its nice to know my feelings are charged so I makes this place less lonely take care thanks for your kind words x

    • Af
      November 23, 2015

      What a beautiful response to Dinas post, I don’t have children yet but this was a big eye opener. Respect to all the warrior mums our there.

    • Nadichou Sinistra
      November 24, 2015

      asalaam
      ur comment just made me cry.. i’ve been retaining myself after reading dina’s article .. but urs.. just made it flow! lol.. really.. you really have a lot of courage and allah has blessed u with so much patience.. i don’t know what i’ll be doing in such situation. I’m trying to conceive but seems allah is taking his time and i accept it :) while reading all of this i realized that he’s somewhat doing me a favour..letting me prepare myself better for what’s coming. my prayers r with u and all the mothers. there’s nothing compared to this! and nothing but courage, patience and faith in allah helps

      • Kellogs
        November 24, 2015

        Hiya
        I didn’t mean to make you cry I just wanted to speak from the heart and be honest about my view on mother hood habibty I have PCOS so miscarriages galore hang on in there I didn’t get pregnant with Sameera it took me 9 years and miscarriage after miscarriage so please just pray and relax it will happen when you least expect it inshallah I will keep you in my Duas xxx much love and respect to you

    • Monii
      November 24, 2015

      Whilst reading through all the comments on Dinas Blog your comment really touched me you seem like a beautiful Mum who has been through a lot of pain and Ma Sha Allah still so strong may Allah (SWT) reward you and keep your children happy x

      • Kellogs
        November 27, 2015

        Thank you very much I do try to be the best I can be but it is really hard as I haven’t had a positive mother role model in my life only my mother in law God bless her I miss her x

    • Nahdiyah
      December 4, 2015

      This is beautiful

  • Kellogs
    November 22, 2015

    That really was the short version honest …😒

  • Ayesha
    November 23, 2015

    Asalaam alaykum warahmatulahi wabarakatuhu Dina xxx
    I was amazed by this blog post because it showed me a side of you which I didnt recognise from your videos or vlogs- a sensitive, serious and soft side to you, which in my opinion adds more beauty and respect to you.
    As an 18 year old you not only taught me but more importantly showed and proved to me the true responsibilities of being a mother and also the changes that come in your life after having a newborn which many females are alien to until they experience it for themselves, just like myself. So, for letting me know, I thank you greatly.
    As a way of thanking you for all the work you do for us, your videos and vlogs and blogs, I wanted to give you some advice and hope that I pray benefits you.
    Firstly, I want to say that your incredibly blessed to have a child because Hana is not only a blessing for you but also a test of faith. Inshallah she will bring you happiness and little moments of joy throughout her life and inshallah be sadaqa jariya for you and Sid. Allah huma ameen. Please just have patience- and I know that this is easier said than done, and for me this is something I wish to strengthen, but only through patience and salaah will Allah swt bestow us guidance. Just know that Allah swt loves YOU eternally and when you feel like crying, make dua because whenever you do Allah swt says ‘I am here O my servant’. Remember that Allah swt has chosen us to be an ummati of Prophet Muhammad saw and the purpose of our life is to follow the acts of our nabi and inshallah make Allah swt pleased with us. Push through any hardships in your life knowing this and inshallah you will not be disappointed.
    If I have said anything that has offended you then I seek your forgiveness as this was not my intention.
    I pray for you peace and happiness.
    Please remember the the ummah in your duas.
    Fee amanillah.
    Asalaam alaykum xxx

  • Cassandra Tejada
    November 23, 2015

    I love how you write. All the personality and how authentic and truthfully I really loved reading this.

  • Amz
    November 23, 2015

    Salaam Dina! Congrats to you and Sid on your new bundle of joy, may Allah make Hana amongst the righteous.

    Your post is spot on in terms of baby blues. It’s actually very common for first time mums and it happens the first few week after baby is born and then slowly goes away. No one really prepares you for the roller coaster of looking after a baby!

    Postnatal depression on the other hand is very different. It’s a feeling like no other. I suffered from this last year when I had my son and lasted several months. Alhumdulilah medication slowly started to work and feel much better. It’s just an awful and dark experience which is indescribable. It’s really important that if women do have these negative feelings after first month of baby being born, you must tell someone and your GP before it’s too late.

    I’m so happy you found solace in your mum and were able to break out of the negative feelings. Youre doing great being first time mum, we’ve all been through it and remember you know what’s best for your child! Everyone will give you advice, some good some bad, do what you think is best! They grow up so fast and this stage of no sleep and constant feeding will soon be the thing of the past! I , like you, never napped when baby was asleep as I felt I needed to do something more productive, but do take it easy in the sense even just chill on the sofa for abit whilst doing something. Rest is important!

    Sending you much love and light and you’ve got this Dina, don’t worry! Xxx

  • @nuzamb
    November 23, 2015

    What a lovely blog Dina. Love you millions for this!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ You summed up what is it like to be a first time mum. I have to congratulate you for all your hard work and achievements with you little human. Sincere prayers and wishes xxx
    BTW If you’re still looking for a pram, I strongly recommend Bugaboo Camelon. It’s very practical as well as stylish. I know you’re getting a maxi cosi car seat, make sure you get a base for it. It makes life a lot easier!!

  • Sam
    November 23, 2015

    Hi Dina – just want to u too know this is exactly how I felt when i had my daughter on 20th oct 5 years ago!! So mch self disgust at the way my body looked, spent days even forgetting to brush my teeth forget getting changed. Took me about 6 months to feel like a normal functioning human being again!!.
    I think you are doing great – it is life changing. Things get easier Dina – you can do this. Keep going for little humans sake xx

  • Nour melato
    November 23, 2015

    ur words describe exactly how i felt when i had my baby a month earlier than u ..

  • Alisha
    November 23, 2015

    Salam dina
    It’s hard work noone tells you how hard it’s going to be my husband works nights so when he is here he is sleeping I’ve got a 2 year old and a 4 month mashallah love them dearly but so much hard work never have time for myself but it will get easier I’m a young mum 21 and none of my friends have children so they just dobt get it some time you just want to lie on the floor or just cry all day but aye us mum’s can do it it will get easier

  • sarifah ak
    November 23, 2015

    Dear Dina, thank you for such an honest write up. And Masha’Allah, you have so much strength in you. We are all here for you and will Doa for you and everyone.

    Big Hugs from Spore!

  • F Akthar
    November 23, 2015

    Salam DINA.
    Congratulations on your little bundle of joy. This really summed up everything I went through and felt when I had my baby. Im also a new mummy and words can’t describe how how hard it really is. Your words just made me realise that omg I wasn’t the only one feeling this horrible feeling. I had a c section so I simply coulnt move myself from bed however with the help of my partner I had to pick myself up. I had to be a MUM even with a sore wound, you just need to get on with it. This feeling also made me believe that I wasnt a fit mum and couldn’t look after my baby properly, this put me down even more.
    Alhamdulilah can’t belive how quik time is flying. My baba is 5months now and she truly is a beautiful blessing from ALLAH.

    ‘Lucky is the Women whose first child is a DAUGHTER’ ALHAMDULILAH

    JanA.
    X

  • Aishah Amin
    November 23, 2015

    Awwww Dina.. This post made me cry! I know exactly how you feel.. But no matter how tough it is to take care of our children, the amount of love we get from them is just incomparable. I have two of my own and as hard as it is going through labor, sleepless nights, breastfeeding, etc, I would do it again in a heartbeat💕 all the pain and tears, all worth it. Every single struggle. Worth more than anything in this entire world.

  • Faira
    November 23, 2015

    Feels like I’m readin my own story. Every single thing you have wrote is how I felt when I had my first baby in June and it didn’t stop until he was around 3 months old.
    I still cannot get over the feeling of giving birth having a labour for over 24 hours to then being left with a baby to look after whilste my husband & sister are sent home by the hospital staff.
    It does get easier Dina….I was fed up of people telling me this especially other friends who had been mums for 5 minutes but it’s true! My baby is 6 months now & the joy you get from his baby talk, smile & laughter is worth every minute.
    I still miss my old life a hell of allot & constantly wish for just 1 weekend free to do what I want & sleep but we need to get used to it. This is a new chapter in our lives & so rewarding.
    Thank you for your honesty it has helped me feel that what I was thinking/ going through is normal & not to be embarrassed.
    Sending you lots of love & duas xxx

  • Paris Sheppard
    November 23, 2015

    You ARE lucky. Go get em dina, youre an amazing woman.. I think you and sid are in the best way possible, a couple who will never age.. youre immature but obviously a GOOD immature which is why you make such a fantastic couple. Now a baby has come along and its suddenly a throw in the deep end as you have to become a mother now and everything has to change. This is gods decision for you now, and thats okay because you can handle it. Take YOUR time.. do YOU. Its something every woman has to endure, keep you in the dua always.

  • gulsen
    November 23, 2015

    I just re-lived my post baby experience through your post. It’s comforting to know that this is one version of “normal” for some mothers. I think you are very brave for sharing your experience and it gives me comfort hearing a similar experience. It does get easier (2 and a half yrs on…), Alhamdulilah, they sleep better, eat better, require less nappy changes, kiss like they are going to eat your face and hug as far as those little pudgy hands can reach and those sleepless & sore nights become a distant memory insh Allah.

  • Candace
    November 23, 2015

    Every single thing you said is what I did and felt when I had my daughter (now 15 months). Seriously it’s crazy! I shower cried so much for like the first 3 weeks. I didn’t feel confident and happy consistently until she was 3 months old. It was HARD! And yes pooping was a nightmare; I’d cry while trying because of the pain. Stay strong! God will continue to give you strength!! Thanks for sharing! It’s needed.

  • Amelia
    November 23, 2015

    You are doing just fine Dina 😘 I have 7 children, and still you can not be prepared for feeling so unhappy after delivery😰 But knowing it wont last forever and online shopping helps a lot 👍🏻😀

  • MummyA
    November 23, 2015

    Dina, thank you for sharing your experience. I felt exactly the same. You’re right, it does get easier and you WILL look back on this soon and it will seem like a million moons ago. I’m pregnant with baby#3 and I never ever thought I’d have even a second after those first weeks/months with my firstborn. You’re a brilliant mummy, be proud. Everything you’re doing is right and you’re not alone. And let’s not forget, the lack of sleep is a massive factor in making emotions run a bit crazy for a while. Keep going and ignore any bullshit advice, you know what is best for you and your family! :)

  • Khadija
    November 23, 2015

    Really happy that you’ve shared this!

    It’s an helpful insight for those of us that don’t have children. I know that most don’t take the decision to have children with a light hearted approach. But this has made me think twice for sure!

  • um aalya
    November 23, 2015

    you described exactly what i felt when i had my baby girl two montha ago !
    yup its a HUG thing
    being a mum

    god givea us power 🙌🏻

  • Zena
    November 23, 2015

    Hi Dina,
    Firstly, congratulations to you and Sid on your beautiful baby girl, what a blessing hamdilla!
    This was so emotional to read. I have just found out I am pregnant and reading this along with re-watching all your pregnancy vlogs on your youtube channel have helped me so much and has really helped bring me to reality on what to expect. It is so good to see an honest account of what this is really like and although I can’t relate to a lot of what you have gone through yet, I already feel at ease with everything to come. Thanks for this Dina and please continue with blogging and vlogging with the new mum/baby/pregnancy subjects because they are so helpful!

    Take care lovely Dina and you are in my prayers always!xxx

  • rafiat
    November 23, 2015

    Hey dina!
    I just wanted to say I to went through the exact same thing. I don’t want to get into it. But thank God haliyya is a healthy two year old.But pls know that u are already doing a great job with your baby. You will get hands of it and by the time you know it when u little ones start sitting, crawling, and saying da da which is what they say first smh! And start to work.you will be amazed of how times go by fast. Takes a lot of pictures, video. So that you can look back and just lol. Wish you and sid, baby all the best.
    rafiat from texas!!!!!

  • Mehwish
    November 23, 2015

    I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant Alhumdulilah and reading this blog post was such an eye opener. I’ve been so focused on what I should be eating, ways to avoid gaining a bajillion pounds and researching labour stories that I’ve never really taken a minute to think about how my life is going to change after the baby. So glad to have come across this post! I don’t know if I can ever be prepared for what’s to come and not going to lie, I’m super nervous but you’re truly an inspiration. I feel a little better knowing that despite going through this, you’re still doing a fantastic job as a first time mommy. Wish you all the best in this beautiful journey of motherhood!

  • usra
    November 23, 2015

    I felt exactly the same… And the crying part, i cried more than my baby did.

  • Feroza
    November 23, 2015

    One of your best posts by far.
    I’m a first time expecting mom and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this…thank you for being honest and giving the rest of us a heads up/ crash course.

  • Zee
    November 23, 2015

    The fact that everything you’ve written is LL too familiar says that you’re both doing everything right.

    It’s very very hard. You get used to it over time but new challenges come your way and there really days and notes, you’re just plain down because of it. But hang in there! Keep a good support system around you. People whom You feel comfortable with around you and your baby. You will survive!

  • Izzy
    November 23, 2015

    All the best Dina, may Allah bless you and your little family

    <3

  • Fatima
    November 23, 2015

    Salaams..

    Its amazing that you have had the courage to write about this, a lot of people don’t talk about what happens soon after you give birth.
    This is exactly how I felt after giving birth 8 months ago.
    I was just not happy, I felt like I wasn’t meant to be a mum, it just felt so alien to me.
    Alhumdulliah it does pass though and it gets easier, much more easier.
    Keep telling yourself your doing a good job and its all temporary, as they get older it get better. Masha Allah.
    WS

  • Sajü
    November 23, 2015

    If you can believe me, I absolutely didn’t realised you can feel unhappy or sad or depressed. You still look so happy and relaxed. But it’s beautiful you’ve written something like this. It’s great to know that being a mum isn’t just ‘being soooo happy’ and that you as mum can say the truth to people you inspiring :)
    May Allah bless you all and be happy Dina :) Can’t wait for a new post and video :-*

  • Nuur
    November 23, 2015

    4 months pregnant wit my second and cried while reading this. Also cried earlier today when my four year old asked me how to play Uno. You are loved. You are tired. One day at a time sister, one day at a time. You take care of you and that baby the best way you can.

  • Fauzia
    November 23, 2015

    Hi Dina, thanks for posting this. I am to give birth in the next few days and I have not thought about the post labour situation AT ALL. This post was such an eye opener for me. All the very best with the child rearing. May Allah make it easy for you and Sid ameen

  • Jay
    November 23, 2015

    Salam dina.
    Everything you wrote was exactly what i went through with my first child four years ago…all the feelings and emotions subhanAllah everyhing. Wish i was told about this before the birth defo. Anyways now i have three kids…my youngest only three weeks old and all i can say is, it does get easier Alhamdulillah…the moods…the feeding..entertaining visitors…going out…the piles…lol…you name it.
    Well done to you for this blog. Im sure many many women can relate to it like myself. Xxx

  • Jessica
    November 23, 2015

    I’m due with my first next month and she’s a girl too IA! this gives me a lot of insight to what things will be like. Jazak Allah so much for the honest post! It makes a lot of sense why mothers have such a high status is Islam. I am feeling nervous now. May Allah make it easier on us mothers IA ameen. <3 from Texas, USA

  • Hannah P
    November 23, 2015

    Dina you are a lovely human being! I’ve been following you for a few years now, and thank you for letting us have a glimpse of this transition in your life. By the way, you and Sid did a superb job picking out your little one’s name (but, I may be biased ;^) ). Keeping you in my thoughts during this tumultuous time! x

  • Azara
    November 23, 2015

    I loved this so much!

    Well, I’m about 34 weeks pregnant (quite happily) – all excited for my baby’s arrival insha Allah.. And it’s true that the focus now is mainly on birth and getting through it alright.

    I also often wonder if I’ll survive it. If it will just be too much to take on. I too have never ever changed a baby’s nappy/diaper before in my entire life and their belly buttons and fragile bodies freak me out!

    So this helps give perspective. In to what actual new moms could feel. I imagine myself crying for anything and everything too.

    But – this was very inspiring. Didn’t make me more scared but actually gave me hope. So happy I read this honest post of yours. Thank you for sharing, Dina ❤

    Wishing you and your lil family all the best insha Allah.. And when the blues fade, all that’s left is just to enjoy her! Your own little human.

  • Thaakirah
    November 23, 2015

    I am due any day now, and keeping up with your pregnancy and post pregnancy has really helped because of your pure honesty, so shukran for that. Also expecting a little girl In shaa Allah so this is very heart-warming. Wishing you and hubby lots of joy with your little angel and may the Almighty make things easier for you In Shaa Allah. <3

  • moonira
    November 23, 2015

    This is exactly how I felt with my first born.. I had a horrific labour which didn’t help matters. Your perfectly right in saying about life post birth. I definitely saw it through rose tinted glasses! It was hard. But the good thing is it gets easier. .. the easier days will begin to outweigh the hard days. Remember Allah only gives us what he knows we can handle.
    Things always seem worse without sleep aswell. I went from being 10hrs+ sleep to jus about 5-6 hrs uninterrupted! 6 hrs straight now is like a dream!!! So ur stamina for sleep will.improve too lol.
    Wish you all the best Dina with little Hana inshallah. Xxxx

  • Raheela
    November 23, 2015

    I understand your feelings completely. I quit my job to raise my son….who wants to have a baby only to send them to daycare. Unlike you my support system is 6 hours away by plane. It’s me, hubby, and baby…who is now 4. And I agree a support system is needed. Had I had family around I would not get such bad mood swings, yes I still get them…and it always goes away when we visit family. My son stopped growing at 32 weeks gestation so at 38 weeks I was induced. I have the perfect boy but he suffered from severe reflux due to the fact that his abdominal area was lagging a whole 5 weeks. He was 5 pounds 2 ounces and when we left 2 days later he was under 5 pounds. I always called him my fighter…from day 1…even before I had him. Now 4 years later I still struggle with mood swings at times. I still worry too much and my hubby calls me a helicopter parent…which I am not! You will never sleep a sleep like before having your baby. Even nights where he sleeps through 8 hours I still dont….but you adjust, fall into a rhythm, one which will change many times in the next few years…. when I first had him I was soo worried after family visited and left about how and what if I can not figure out what he needs or can not console him. But it turns out that your baby just needs you…period! The rest falls into place. Congrats to you and Sid…cherish every moment and don’t blink!

  • Deee
    November 23, 2015

    Oh sweet Dina , I totally know how u feel , that’s what I felt when I had my baby boy , but great news is these feelings won’t last and in a month u will be so happy and so attached to ur daughter like ever , and what’s nice is that u will be full of advices for other moms whom I’m sure will need advices as well. I hope u feel better soon and enjoy motherhood enshalah

  • Kamelia
    November 23, 2015

    Ameen sister! I wish someone told me everything you’ve mentioned and that on the first and second day you come home from hospital will be the most difficult days OF YOUR LIFE.
    I wasn’t able to sit, not able to stand (because I had severely swollen feet) and not able to breastfeed in both these positions- or any position really- without feeling like my son was literally sucking the life out of me. I also wish someone told me that breastfeeding was VERY hard. I just had these angelic images of mothers looking down and smiling at their nursing infants in my head and NOT th image of a mother in excruciating pain and a baby going blue in the face because he was crying so much as he wasn’t getting what he wanted.
    Heaven truely does lie under the feet of a mother. Keep up the amazing work Dina xxx

    • Latifa
      November 23, 2015

      What you’ve just said about breast feeding is so true! No one tells you about the other side of the story…the what if you can’t get them to latch on,how do you know if they’ve had enough, or they will want to eat every thirty mins! All these crazy questions running through a new mum at 3 a.m. Is not healthy.

  • Gilary Massa
    November 23, 2015

    I had my baby girl almost 3 months ago. I laboured for 36 hours and then ended up in a c-section which resulted in not only having to cope with a new baby but also heal from major surgery. I totally had the baby blues. And can relate so much to your post. We would have visitors, and once they would leave u would just sit and cry. My husband who has been so wonderfully supportive would ask me what’s wrong and I would just cry more and tell him I didn’t know. Day 5 was the worst. I was having trouble breast feeding my c section still hurt and I was having trouble walking. And I needed sleep my friend called me to see how i was doing and I just burst in tears. She was like. It’s day 5 isn’t it? It was like everything just hit me. I felt so overwhelmed and lonley. I felt bad because i didnt feel that immidiate gush of love for my baby. While i would give ny life to keep her safe, as bad as it soubds i kinda resented her. alhamdulilah its so much better now. Especially once I learned how to leave the house with baby Imaan. Hang in there. It gets better. You are doing the best you can and baby is so lucky to have u as a Mama.

  • 07pingu
    November 23, 2015

    Hiya Dina

    Such a lovely brutally honest post. You’re definitely not alone feeling like this, tonnes of new moms, old moms and generally all women feel like this. Its just how you cope which makes every person different or seem like they’re handling it. I know this may seem negative for some, but from a medical professional I think some temporary measures may help you settle even if that means being able to get few nights decent sleep. It’s worth sharing with your doctor how you’re feeling and how they can help you cope bit better. Also, I know each woman has her own goals and perhaps because you are a fashionista your body image has affected you moreso. But no longer being a size 8 or having washboard abs is pretty normal. Remember woman for centuries have been getting pregnant for years and naturally their body then recovers. Yes if you want to be exactly how you were before you may need some help ie. Diet, trainers etc. But its about taking time. Tackle one thing at a time. One baby step also. Priority is baby. Then you&sid. Then everything else in order for most priority. Take this time home/time out to just learn and don’t be hard on yourself. Ask for help so you can rest and sleep. Sometimes lack of sleep and tiredness can spiral us into depression also. Inshallah it can become easier but you need to find out how and take up every opportunity for a hand if need be and learn not to be so hard on yourself x

  • Ann
    November 23, 2015

    Oh god I’ve got this to look forward to! I’d forgotten about this horrible phase where you feel so trapped! I already have 2 kids and life is at that easy stage where they’re fairly independent and it’s all good but now it’s gonna get hard again! This is all so normal and 6 weeks is that magic time where the hormones start to settle and you start to feel better again and get into a “loose routine” of some sort, you will get bumps in the road but you’ll start to enjoy it a lot more now! Try the wonder weeks app that’ll help you loads!!

  • aneesa
    November 23, 2015

    i dont think baby blues ever go away completely. they still show up every now and then as toddler-blues, little-kid blues, big-kid-blues…..you get the picture! they pop in and pop out like an old (annoying) aquaintance… kids are stressful and hard work and very demanding. there will always be days when it just feels too much to handle. but then there’ll be a hundred days when it just feels ok and manageable, and then there’ll be that one day when it feels amazing, and perfect. and that one day is all it takes to make you ok with all the other days. Mum-Life. ♥

  • Sarah khan
    November 23, 2015

    I love you Dina and I respect you 😍😍
    I hope you have a great life inshllah and keep smiling …u are such an inspiration and a great role model I really like you true and honest blog

  • Heba
    November 23, 2015

    I had my first baby boy “jude” one week before u on oct 12 and you just reflect everything i went through!! Add to that, i had to go through an emergency c section where i have read every single detail about labor except the c section part!!!!! Jude had to stay one more week in intensive care as well. Everything made me cry, you name it.. And all i really eat right now is oatmeal and almonds to increase milk supply BUT Jude’s smile is worth everything or when he looks at me orrrr when he sleeps holding me. When he turned one month old MAN i cried and cried and cried i couldnt hold it. I cannot even process the fact that he was inside me. Thanks for sharing and letting me share, let’s enjoy motherhood 👶🏼🙌🏻🙏🏻😊

  • Ilhaam
    November 23, 2015

    Dear Dina
    Thank you for having the courage to post such a raw, honest account of what happens post birth. As a psychologist, nothing prepared me for the trauma of giving birth and being responsible for another life. My daughter is now 6 and I still remember the dread when visitors came around, how daunting it was to go anywhere, and how difficult it was to explain that your life literally changes when you become a mother. I am glad that you’re appreciating the moments of joy and love – gifts of motherhood. Enjoy every first experience, and every phase….They pass by so quickly. Sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job. Stay blessed x

  • Anna
    November 23, 2015

    Salam Dina, As I was reading your words it too me back to when I had my first daughter 26 yrs ago and felt many of those same things you felt and I cried all the time too, I did not understand it and my husband at time would ask if he could help and it would hurt me and I would cry more thinking he thought I was a bad mother and could not take care of our daughter, I do so much understand what you are feeling and did feel. You said you wish someone would of told you what it was going to be like but believe me even if someone did, you would still of felt these same feelings because like you said in the end all and I do mean all mothers do what they feel is best for their child. Advised is great when ask for but sometime what is given to us is just to much and overwhelming to a new mother. I would ask family and friends to write their advise down for me and then I would read it and that worked better for me. I found that most of it I left sitting there for a long time but once I was in a place where I was sure of myself and what I could do reading it was fun and helpful. But again you do what is best for you and know that we are here only to support you. It is not my place or anyone place to tell you and Sid how to raise your daughter, and I know you are and will always be a wonderful mother. It does get better each day. Have faith in yourself and your heart and Allah will lead you along. Children are very special gifts to us. Once day you will read this again and smile and cry just as I did when reading it. I hold much respect and love for you in my heart. bark alllah fikum

  • Linda Arzate
    November 23, 2015

    You will get thru this and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Being a mother is hard work – but it is so rewarding. There is no greater love than the love you have for your child. I would suggest finding a mother’s group to help you along this journey. They will be a great support for you and a wonderful outlet. Remember, kids do not come with an instruction manual, we all learn as we go – do not be too hard on yourself, try your best, always show your kids you love them and you will do fine. Lots of love sent to you. Stay strong, you’ve got this.

  • habiba
    November 23, 2015

    salaam sis, honestly you have literally taken words out of my mouth. how difficult those first days were.i had never been more emotionally pulled ever in my life then those first weeks after the birth of my child. and oh how I acknowledged the value of a mother after becoming one!

  • H. Abu
    November 23, 2015

    I’ve been through the same thing and my mum lives in a different country, two things helped me the most
    First, adapting a routine from is Gina ford book, a guide to a contented baby.
    Second thing was getting an electrical milk expressing pump, which meant I expressed more milk, produced more, leading to a happy well fed baby and more freedom to me, it also helped me a lot with going out, especially that I exclusively breast fed my son and I didn’t give him any formula, which was a lot of hassle when I went out.

  • Rfyd
    November 23, 2015

    Esselamualeykum Dina!!

    Your post brought tears to my eyes. May Allah-urRahman bless you and your family. May Allah strengthen all the mothers out there. May Allah strenghten our Iman.
    I’ve known you for years now via the internet , and despite everthing negative people say about you, I really love and appreciate your honesty.

    Stay strong Dina!
    Allah ykheliki habibi

    Greetings from Germany by a turkish sister

    Ps: When you cover everything of your aurah, I think you are even more wonderful!! :)
    Lots of Love 😙

  • Kulsoom
    November 23, 2015

    There’s a reason why women were chosen, by God, for such a role. Even in times when we feel we can’t do it, it’s only WE who can actually do it. I think you (and all the other mums out there) should give yourself a pat on the shoulder for doing such an amazing job; for feeling all these different emotions, but not letting anyone know that you’re going through all of this (at least that’s the case for my mum). Our parents, in general, truly are a blessing for all of us!

  • Naadira
    November 23, 2015

    Yup it’s definitely a shock to the system, those first few weeks. You need your mother like never before. I cried for every little thing as well, just because you’re so overwhelmed with emotions. My baby is 2 months old now and everything is slowly starting to become easier. May Allah make it easy for you and all mums and make your little one a pious and kind human, ameen.

  • aneesa
    November 23, 2015

    All I can say about ur blog is “you are a normal mom” everything u saying is so so normal.. all thes best and enjoy

  • Annie
    November 23, 2015

    I had the same exact due date as you, except my baby came two weeks earlier than expected. I find it so amusing, how I can relate to everything in your vlogs and now in your super detailed blog. Gives me hope seeing another mom experiencing the same weird emotions I’m going through :) The most important thing to remember is, you’re doing an amazing job! – From one new mom to another 😉

  • Hafsie
    November 23, 2015

    Dear Dina,

    I loved reading your post as it is the most normal and sane post about postpartum feelings I’ve read in a very long time.

    A depression, be it temporary blues or more serious, is so common and a natural reaction! After I had my first child i had a postpartum depression for 2,5 years. The best thing about it: I didn’t know, until I had my second child six years later. Only then I recognized the signs en had a deja-vu experience.

    As my therapist replied to me, when I said that I actually didn’t find it as fun to be a mother as all the others claimed: ” You are perfectly normal.”

    I wish someone prepared me for the big change and the realisation of having full responsibility, for the insecurities you have when baby doesn’t know how to suck boob or when you just cant find it in your heart to have troops of visitors over.

    One thing I learned: it all passes. With faith depending on Allah swt and the insurance that things will get better and the comfort that it’s all normal, it will! And then you will feel like a true warrior. In the meantime: enjoy every single little moment with baby or on the toilet having you-time! 😉

    Wishing you all the best!

    Salaam

  • Heedayah
    November 23, 2015

    I totally agree with the support group and talking to the husbands but the thing is they don’t usually get it especially wen we cry over nothing. I have a baby boy who’s just a yr 7 months and I’m just few weeks into my second pregnancy sometimes I just feel like crying out my eyes all day long but thank God for the strength and all…… to all mums out there 😚😙❤❤❤ keep up the good work cos really it’s not an easy task

  • nuha
    November 23, 2015

    thank you dina for your post about postnatal blues i have an 7 month old baby girl and i went true this and because i lived far from family and my husband works 16 hours a day i felt so depressed i mean if someone could die from hurt and i thought it was me and all the other mother where happy that made it even worse soo thank u for telling your story if it wasn’t for your post i would still feel like i was alone in this

  • Miriam
    November 23, 2015

    Hi Dina,
    I have never commented under anything in the internet but your post made me think a lot. I have been following your journey for quite a while now and its refreshing so see someone being so honest and raw about a topic that is somehow still taboo. I am a soon-to-be midwife and gave birth to my son 9-months ago. Having seen so many women who were overwhealmed by the new life as a mum I decided to listen to the advice of my midwife and take things really slowly after giving birth. Giving birth and suddenly being responsible for that tiny human that you carried 9 months is one of the greatest challenges one goes through in life. Physically and emotionally. Its only in the last 30 years or so that somehow society expects women to learn “to just get on with it” all by themselves. I think its the most natural thing to learn from our mothers and to accept help. One can buy a great nursery but not several years of breastfeeding experience.
    As far as my own experience goes, I am a single mother. When I gave birth I went home after a few hours with my mum and then I stayed in bed for an entire week. Eating there, breastfeeding the baby, receiving guests, all while being in my bed and my Mum taking care of the rest as well as the midwife checking on me daily. Then I started to slowly do more, like taking a walk, entering the kitchen etc. Taking it slowly in the beginning was the best decision I made. My memoris of the time are surprisingly good. There is a reason that in almost every ancient culture women are secluded after giving birth and were considered being in a very special state. And that’s for their protection and their well-being. We lost that and the result is an increasing number of women who end up being depressed and unhappy in childbed.
    I wish you all the best for the coming months, many amazing and happy moments with your daugther. Don’t feel bad or let people pressure you for taking your time to get to know your daughter and to get used to this new life!

  • LuLu
    November 23, 2015

    I’ve always appreciated my mom for what she’s been through. But having to read your post brought sparkles of tears in my eyes. My mother had 12 kids. Almost all of them were home deliveries. No diapers around, cold winters, no heaters, no laundry machines, life was difficult during her time. And all I can wonder was how? How ya ummi? How did she do it, I dont know. Our generation is truly blessed. Our mothers endured greater far hardships than we probably would ever. Thank you for your post and honesty Dina. “With hardship comes ease” You’ve already tasted the sweetness of motherhood, and I pray that your days become sweeter as your little one grows.

    -With Love LuLu

  • Sana Malik
    November 23, 2015

    This ia exactly what i experienced when I had my second daughter jat 3 days before u delivered on 17 oct.. I was very happy but when i reached home i would cry and feel lonely jst looking at her innocent face would make me cry.. I would feel very lonely but Alhamdulillah woth time all was fine

  • waseemah
    November 23, 2015

    Slm, shukran for your honest words. It means a lot when someone especially a mom can say exactly how she feels. I had a somewhat similar experience after having a set of twin girls (now 3mnths old) after my son (now 3yrs old) nothing prepares you for motherhood you can only be and do the best you can. Insha-allah all the best to you, your husband and your little one.

  • RS
    November 23, 2015

    God knows how much respect I have for you for putting it out there. You are a true soldier and role model.

    Motherhood is not easy and for you to go over those emotions and sharing will be helpful to a thousand women out there.

    First born is definitely a shock to the system but remember, they need to adapt to you too. You will figure it all out I am sure but give yourself time and be easy on yourself.

    Al hamdulillah I have two kids and I feel that the second child is a healer. It truly makes you feel proud and confident with both children and for some very weird reasons you end up having more time on your hands! Because they entertain each other!

    With the biggest blessings come the biggest challenges and whilst learning about your little human you will learn about yourself too! And that’s the beauty of parenting!

    Thank you for sharing, really thank you.

  • Anjum
    November 23, 2015

    How beautifully stated Dina… It’s so refreshing to read words of honesty and truth and the reality of becoming a new mother. Such a blessing to read you open your heart and let it all out… The good, the sweet and the difficult times. I’m also 26 and a teacher from Birmingham who just got married recently :). I don’t use social networking really, but one thing I always do is watch your YouTube videos or vlogs most evenings when enjoying a cup of coco :) well needed after a long day with kids! I just want to say a big thank you Dina, and I no it’s a bit mushy like lol but after I got married I would watch ur vlogs when alone at home And hubby was at work. They would massively cheer me up. Honestly !!!! And u no sometimes u think sharing so much with the world could be so daunting and then you get those wierdos who leave nonsense on the bottom of videos, but honestly Dina, loads of Sisters really love your videos and vlogs And you can really make our day. So a big thank you to you sis, for brightening up them days that can be difficult , make me think go and get dressed and think positive, and giggle at the cutest things in your videos. So many of us watch and follow you but generally just don’t socially network & are like a silent audience but it’s very dearly appreciated!
    Stay positive! You look amazing ma sha Allah , you and Sid are doing a grand job and in sha Allah blesses such a beautiful soul with good health & happiness. Loads of love sis…
    Anj x x x

  • Magidah Centeno
    November 23, 2015

    Assalamu alaikum Dina!

    Let me just start by saying Congratulations! Congratulations for having your bundle of joy, but also for being able to let go of this very personal luggage you’ve been carrying. As a nurse I can tell you that all the crying is mostly your hormone levels readjusting themselves to serve 1 and not 2. Not to mention the wonderful side effects of prolonged sleep deprivation! It’s chaotic! However, it is crucial that you talk about all this with your primary care physician, or even voice it out loud when you take baby for check ups with the pediatrician. If for whatever reason you start feeling more isolated and more disturbing thoughts begin to cross your mind, please don’t hesitate to reach out to someone. Postpartum depression is a serious issue, and you will not find judgement. Again, this is the nurse in me talking.
    As a mother, I can tell you there will be trying times where you will absolutely question your sanity and if what your feeling is ‘normal’. As your bundle of joy grows.. And so will the messes, you will continue to have these episodes of questioning yourself. Just take a step back.. Get a bit of mommy time for yourself (even if it’s in the loo), ideally, try to set one day every two or three weeks just for you and hubby… Okay, who am I kidding! Aim for a night out 2-3 hours! These should be respected by all means so that both of you can maintain your sanity and a healthy relationship. Heads up… First day time away from baby you will suffer a mixture of separation anxiety and a faint glimmer of guilty pleasure… Embrace it! It will renew your energy when you come back to your bundle of love.
    I know unsolicited advice usually reeks, but just know that you’re not alone sweetie! Once again Congratulations! And best wishes and hugs from the other side of the pond (Houston, TX, USA). ❤️

  • Latifa
    November 23, 2015

    I gave birth to my little girl on the 10th of November, and what Dina has just said has summed everything I went through. You know it’s going to be hard but this hard..no way. It’s so easy to slip in to that dark place. Thank you for writing this and letting all the other first time mummy’s know that we weren’t the only ones.

  • Anonymous
    November 23, 2015

    I had a boy first does that mean I’m not lucky 😔

  • Nancy
    November 23, 2015

    I love the honesty in this post…

    Straight from the heart…

    Of every new MOTHER.

  • Kabuli
    November 23, 2015

    Dina you really are a SUPERWOMAN!!

    I don’t have babies but I’ve seen my siblings grow up so I’ve seen how difficult job it’s been for my mother but lucky for her she has an amazing mother that was always there for her in any way she could support her.

    I congratulate yout on becoming a mother 🎉🎀
    Yes it’s not easy to adjust to all those changes … whether be physical change or just the circumstantial changes.
    The best support anyone can give you is your own mother! As much as husband can be very helpful but at the end of the day this is a new shock to the system for them too as much as it is for the mother if not more.

    The best advice I can give (although I’m not a mother) is try to have some ‘me time’ every so often whether it’s weekly or every so often. So you don’t forget yourself in the midst of everything else.
    And talk about what your feeling to someone you feel comfortable with so you can get it all out of the system. Don’t keep things inside!
    Psychologically it’s good for the soul to get emotions out.
    And lastly have some aline couple time. Just you and Sid. It’s good for the relationship which you would know and it would feel normal.
    I guess what I’m trying to say is to make life as normal as possible as before. Apart from the obvious fact that it isn’t the same.

    At the end I just pray for you to get better physically and inshallah emotionally. 🙏
    As alien as everything feels I’m sure your an amazing mother! 💖

  • Sobia
    November 23, 2015

    You’re not the only one going through this! I think this period is known as baby blues! I remember mine so well! When I had my 1st baby (7 years ago) everything was a shock to the system, I had a horrific birth and 6-8 week recovery after due to having 3rd degree tears 😁! No one was supportive, no one offered advice how I should make myself better and I think midwives just assumed I would know how to breastfeed. I was drugged up, had to have 3 litres of blood transfusion and I didn’t have any skin to skin contact with my son! Midwives kept coming in after he was born and kept pricking his heel (due to me having gestational diabetes) checking his blood level, making him cry. I felt I had no emotion towards my son and was confused completely. Next day as I couldn’t get out of bed, midwives were feeding my son for me, until 1 came and told me to get out of bed and do everything myself as when I’m home I will have to anyway!!! I wanted to cry and felt helpless! My experience was awful and so much more happened after that. If I could turn back time there’s so much I’d want to change from that experience! Anyway 7 years on and although my 1st was one never to be forgotten I have now got 4 children Alhamdolillah. All horrific births might I add. But once I recovered from them all, I have the most amazing children Ma Sha Allah and wouldn’t have it any other way 😊👍🏼

  • Ummamaanah
    November 23, 2015

    Hi Dina i watch your vids all the time and honestly I used to think , “these guys have nooo clue” ( which is quite normal, as I was the same). I would sometimes be tempted to comment and tell you what it is like and what preps you should make, but I didn’t want to sound like a troll.

    My only advice is please dont listen to people who say you need to go out everyday and you need to do this and that. You dont need to do anything until you are ready. Even if it takes 6mnths to a year. It seems like a long time but with a baby the time flies. Life will never be the same again ever! Accept it and embrace it – that cute little munchkin will give you satisfaction and happiness you never felt before. (Obviously coz you never had a kid before)

    I really don’t like posting on a public forum.

    I wish for the three of you only the best and I pray that you be in Allahs protection always.

  • Noor Aj
    November 23, 2015

    I was listening to this Turkish song while reading and it felt like i was watching a Turkish drama https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjIvDRwwgm8&list=FL87H7gQVzi0mdG3uFm478Cw&index=30

  • Heba
    November 23, 2015

    Salam Dina, your story is pretty much like mine actually. I had my baby girl on sept first so shes almost 3 months now.
    I spent my time reading forums and trying to induce labor since i was a bit overdue as well. Labour was quite the experience but not too long alhamdullilah. Had a 2nd degree tear and stitches. I lost a lot of blood and was dizzy afterwards everytalhamdullilah
    Like you, i didnt know how to change diapers. I hadnt held a baby in my life before! I didnt know what to do with her lol. I called the nurse to change the first poo diaper and i cried with my baby until she came lol. I went to my parents afterwards for about 10 days. Couldnt sit couldnt use the washroom it was horrible. I didnt know how to hold her for nursing. Then i had engorged breasts and i was bleeding instead of milk. It was one of the worst 2 weeks of my life. Couldnt sleep either. So sleep deprived that id fall asleep while nursing. I went home and thats when i got hit with the blues really hard. Husband at work alll day and all i did was cry. I felt lonely. Trapped even. Its hard to suddenly have to dedicate your life to this little human, as you say. But if it wasnt for the family i wouldnt have gotten better and thru those hard times. Now, i cant imagine my life without her. Though, like you, im kind of disgusted with my body. Im trying to accept the fact that this flabby and wobbly belly is probably here to stay. I want to look good for my husband, for myself. But all clothes look awkward. If baby is sleeping and all house work is done, i thought i could exercise… wrong. Im so tired o want to just sit all day and do nothing. Not sure if ill ever have the will power or energy actually to exercise, but i know im happy with this beautiful gift Allah has given me.
    It was a long comment sorry! But wanted to let you know youre not alone. And things do get better… you get used to managing time right and you enjoy being a mama. Congrats and i wish you well xoxox

  • Sarah
    November 23, 2015

    Dina you are stronge 💪, I know that .
    Allah with you Dina , and we will pray for you .

    Read Quran Dina ❤️

    Love you ❤️❤️

  • Romana
    November 23, 2015

    Your article literally brought tears to my eyes. I’ve just completed my first trimester and honestly already feel so many of the emotions you felt after giving birth. I’ve had horrible all day nausea and vomiting and that can seriously send you into a mini depression. I thank God that I have a very supportive husband, but like you said, sometimes you don’t know why you’re feeling sad. You just have to pick yourself up and say I can do this. I pray that God makes it easier for you and all the moms and moms to be out there. In Shaa Allah

  • umaira
    November 23, 2015

    InshAllah everything gets better even the emotions after 40 days. If not then go see a doctor. However, everything doesn’t calm down and gets way easier until the first 3 months are over. My first baby was very hard but that’s because I was so unprepared. My second was hard as well but at least I kept repeating the mantra that just make it to the 3 month mark. So just think each day is closer to the end of three months. InshAllah it gets so much easier after that. Also if you are a breastfeeding mom go check out kellymom.com

  • Sidra
    November 23, 2015

    Pregnancy and post pregnancy summed up beautifully! May Allah grant us all ease. Allah bless you dina and grant you lots of baraqah in motherhood.

  • Fa
    November 23, 2015

    So grateful to know I’m not the only one feeling so topsy turvy. My son is 12 days old and really wondering when I’ll start feeling human again. My mom and sister just left and I honestly don’t know how I’ll cope. Your post gives me hope xx

  • Tash
    November 23, 2015

    I had my third late summer, this year. He was born after 5 years and I feel like a first time mum again. S can relate to everything you say. I shared my blog if you like to see!

  • zoubida
    November 23, 2015

    This just brought allll of it into my mind…..couldn’t say it in better words than yours…..my little angel is 20months nw….blessed hamdulilah and can’t imagine my life witht her……u r doing it just fine nd u r such great person. ..wish you a good luck by the grace of Allah

  • ZK
    November 23, 2015

    Hi Dina.
    Your blog has left me speechless with an overwhelming stream of tears as I read through your superbly honest raw run down of life after lil human. I’m due end of this year and I’ve been a fan since quite some time now. You have no idea how much of an impact your updates and now this blog has upon many new mums-to-be and others. I can imagine going thru every bit of baby blues you mentioned because I felt a fraction of it when my sister had her first born. It’s definitely a weird not-happy/not-sad feeling. It’s an “I don’t know” feeling.

    I’m glad you’ve sort of passed that initial phase of adjustment and looking forward onto other challenges baby H has to offer. With Allah’s Mercy Im sure you’ll get by. The fact you’be been active on Insta, SC, blogs etc.. Give yourself a big pat on the shoulder. It’s a major sign of good time management on your part :)

    It’s a good thing you went back to your mom. They are a true blessing. You said it right.. Life will NEVER be the same but the grass is way more greener post baby life and life is unimaginable without your lil one :)

    xoxo

  • Kasia
    November 23, 2015

    I cried when I read your story as it brought my memories back from a year ago when I became a mother for my baby boy. Everything what you wrote I went through. My parents live abroad and my mom could not visit me in the first 2 months of me being a mom. Thanks God I had support from my husbands sister and cousins but still for most part of the days I was alone and I cried every day for no reason. I didn’t know if I am happy or not, I was so scared of responsibility and I remember saying that there are classes preparing you for delivery but nothing to prepare for motherhood. I remember once my husband asked me if I want to go out because he thought I cry cause I dont go out a lot anymore and I said I just want to have time to take shower and brush my teeth! Hamdullilah we learn and we adjust to this new challenging but beautiful life!

  • Mom of 2
    November 23, 2015

    Hi dina I was glued to this I swear and your 100% right, we spend soo much time looking at labour/birth helpful tips and si on that we forget to think about what goes on after the little baby pops out. And somehow your meant to know 😢😕😣 but luckily iv had plenty of practice with my nieces and nephews with feeding and changing nappies but my world nothing prepares you for when you have your own…
    All iv got to say is I’m glad your alot better now and starting to enjoy motherhood, always remember you have all us mommies here to help and pull you through when your down. Have a hug and kiss from me love to you and baby hana ❤❤

  • Fahima
    November 24, 2015

    Hi Dina, salams to your new family. Exactly the same experience. My boy is 2.5 years old now. And I’m pregnant with my next…..I went back for more! You do forget everything and will laugh later! xxx

  • Samiha
    November 24, 2015

    Salam Dina,
    Congratulations on your newborn baby girl! Reading your blog post made me emotional because it made me think of my mom. I hear you on ‘sometimes a girl just needs her mom’. I got married fairly recently and living with in-laws so I’ve had my moments where I’ve felt like I just want my mom.
    I love your honesty in this blog and I pray that Allah (SWT) gives you all the strength in the world to overcome the hardships of being a new mom and bring ease into your life. You’re doing great and keep being positive! Keep hi5-ing yourself for your daily achievements! May Allah reward you for your experience and for sharing your experience with other moms and to-be moms!
    Sending you loads of duas!
    Keep up the awesome work!
    Xoxoxox

  • Khadijah Ashworth
    November 24, 2015

    Hey Dina! I know people may have told you this a hundred times, but it really does get better! My Son just turned one and its a lot easier now than the first three months. Hang in there, you’re doing a wonderful job. الله يفتح عليك ❤️

  • sahar
    November 24, 2015

    God bless you and your adorable little human :**

  • First time mum
    November 24, 2015

    The first 3 months were exactly like that until my HV introduced me to a breast feeding group, those ladies then introduced me to a sing n rhyme group, baby massage group, other ladies who lived in my area with babies etc. I got into my own routine with the little one and these meet ups were things to look forward to. I had no family around as I live in a different town but it was probably easier as I got to go out anytime. When bubs started watching tv I managed to snatch a few moments to get cooking done etc. She’s now 18 months and I couldn’t imagine life without her, I’m still breastfeeding & co-sleeping but that’s ok too she won’t want me in her life forever so I’m making the most of it!

  • Nuraan
    November 24, 2015

    Salaam Dina, Mashallah I loved your very honest blog post here, as I can really relate to it. When I had my first child (daughter, Iman) almost 7 years ago I too felt very overwhelmed and lonely at times. Family would be all over me at home as I lived by my inlaws so they would be in and out by me that I cried all the time for the stuff they would say and question me, when even though you are a first time mum, you feel you will do it your way how you feel is comfortable for you and baby. I had my mum by me who washed my daughter for the first time as I was scared! And she showed me things and helped me and calmed me alhamdulillah for the first 3 months even when she herself was sick and passed away when my daughter was 4 months old. I cherish having her with me and being there for me and her granddaughter. So yes, first time mum changes your life and just your perspective on EVERYTHING! And now I have 3 kids alhamdulillah and I still doubt myself at times but I just take a breath and let hubby take over for 10 mins so I can do just that. All the best Dina, it does get better with time and practice, Allah has granted you a baby and this new chapter as He knows you can handle it. take care.

  • Shafeeka
    November 24, 2015

    This was my story, captured by a mommy blogger in South Africa – while I now somewhat regret sharing these images (I started wearing the scarf after this was published), it’s a raw account of my life, during pregnancy, birth, and the depression after…. http://pregnantincapetown.co.za/supermommy-9-shafeekas-story/

  • Nabila
    November 24, 2015

    Oh my gosh! This is exactly how i felt! I can relate to every single thing mentioned, i think staying over at your mums for the first 2 wks helps a little, thats what I did..

  • Girlabroac
    November 24, 2015

    May Allah bless you and your little family!! Its so brave of you to write this and to share . So inspirational – being from a muslim community its so taboo to talk about these things – women are just expected to carry on.

  • Maryam
    November 24, 2015

    I am now 4 months pregnant and to see you go pregnancy and now, birth and handling baby blues has been immensely helpful. Im a bit freaked out about this post but Hamdhulillah that I now have a warning of whats about to come. Looking forward to your youtube video! May Hana and your entire family be blessed in aha Allah :*

  • Faisa
    November 24, 2015

    “لا يكلف الله نفسا الي وسعها”
    You are a mother. Allah knows that you can handle the baggage- And you are so much stronger for the experience and besides judging bythe comments you’ve made a lot of first time mothers feel better knowing that they’re not alone in feeling those emotions. So May Allah reward you for being a good Muslimah that’s open, honest and reassuringand May He make this journey of parenthood a blessed and enjoyable experience for you.

  • Priah
    November 24, 2015

    Dina, put your baby on a routine, Try Gina For LCB book, it helped me so so much. By two months my baby slept through the night from 11-6 .. It will take time but things do get better! I relate to your post so much! Bless you and your growinf family.

  • Shahine
    November 24, 2015

    Hi Dina
    I was overwhelmed by your sincere outburst of feelings. I am mum of 2 and the oldest of them being 15 I can still relate every single little aspects of the early post natal life.
    I know people who say that they are having a peaceful early motherhood are liars. It will ease off with passing days insh’Allah.
    I will suggest you make a bedtime routine. Bath time, play, feed, burp and put her to bed every night at approximately the same time. It will be struggle to start with but it will ease off and become a routine that both of you will enjoy.
    The second baby is always easier than the first one. ( wink) I know you are not thinking of it right now but my second was almost a breeze as I was doing everything by myself 2 weeks after my delivery… I would like to wish you all the best of motherhood and believe me you will cherish these days for the rest of your life…

  • Maivish
    November 24, 2015

    Absolutely love this! All I did throughout my pregnancy was think about the birth and dread it. But that was an absolute doddle compared to after. Being in charge of a baby 24/7 was just too overwhelming.
    People ask me how I am coping now with 2 babies (oldest is 21months and baby is 9months) and I think “you really think I am coping?”
    but seriously it does get easier and it is 100% worth it when you know that you are their absolute favourite person in the world. It’s the best feeling ever and you know you’ve done a great job.

  • Tasneem
    November 24, 2015

    It is very true that no one prepares you for after birth. Only one of my friends did…but i didnt understand it. It is only when you go through it….you understand the hardship. Having children is the hardest thing i have ever done in my life but also the greatest achievement. I had to stay with my mum for 3 months till i felt ready to return to my home with my husband and first born. Second time round is much different and easier. You still get down moments but your so busy a preoccupied that it does not affect you as much. Your doing great and do not let anyone tell you different. It is a HUGE learning curve. Alhamdulilah my daughter is 3 years old and my son is 6 months. I have my hands full but i feel such a great sense of achievement by the end of everyday (along with exhaustion lol).
    Day by day, month by month it gets easier trust me! You will be faced with other challenges BUT you are more experienced and a stronger woman! Have fun xx

  • Umm Hamoody
    November 24, 2015

    Not to freak you out, but you write a lot about post natal depression in the past tense. It’s important to be aware that although you may have experienced it recently and Alhamdulillah you’re feeling better, there is always the possibility it may return.
    I recall reading you live in Birmingham. There is a lot of support and breast feeding support in Bham. I strongly recommend Poplar Road Breastfeeding clinic. There is also the Allens Croft Breastfeeding group. I’m sure there are others but these are the centres I visit. The poplar road clinic is very popular and very supportive.
    Getting out may be an impossible task, your daughter is still young so don’t put pressure on yourself to do things as ‘normal’ otherwise you’ll resent having a baby.
    Join a baby group, there are so many across Bham. There are also ones run by masajid such as the Olton Project in Solihull and the Mother and Baby Tea Club in the Muslim Student House in Moseley.
    It can be hard for single/childless friends to relate to your experiences, which is why I’ve found baby clubs great. There’s everything from baby sensory play to musical babies. Go out and make mum friends and share your experiences together, there’s always someone going through something similar (or worse!) and support out there amongst fellow mums!
    All these things may help prevent future low moods, I hope it’s upwards and onwards for you and other new mums.

  • Hafsa
    November 24, 2015

    Wow, Dina!

    I had no idea you had a blog, and that you wrote SO well too! I loved this post, your entire personality shone through. It was like sitting down with you with a nice cup of tea (a scenario for a future dream, perhaps?) like an old friend.

    But most importantly it was so honest and straight from the heart but at the same time – extremely witty! Love your sense of humour, the sitting with a ‘h’ comment had me laughing so hard.

    Lovely post, keep it up!

  • Shaz
    November 24, 2015

    Bless your motherly heart Dina, I remember my sister used to think she was the only mum who actually felt like this. Just know there is hope and it does get better. My sister used to just sit there with tears streaming down her face, time to time her voice would tremble when she was asked how her new mother life is going. And now she’s sitting at home, reading stories to her children so they can get a good nights sleep, and can brush their teeth and eat their breakfast on their own. Please don’t fear your future Dina, you are just a newbe mum preparing for years of ups and downs, laughs and cries (mostly the good type). X

  • nuseyba bashir
    November 24, 2015

    that was so beautifully written even though im not a mum i really felt were u where coming from and your beautifully daughter god bless her little soul is lucky to have you as a mum. insha allah all will go perfectly well and easy!!!! before you know it you’ll see baby hana walking and talking. lol people always say this because in the moment you don’t really feel it but time flies like crazzzy.

  • Aisha Khan
    November 24, 2015

    I literally started crying while reading this post. Though I am not a mother, I am overwhelmed by your sincerity. I’ve never given it much thought to what happens AFTER you go home from the hospital. You were brave to share your story. Thank you for inspiring sisters from across the world. I pray that He will make it easy for you, your baby & sid. :)

  • Shakeela
    November 25, 2015

    Wow mash’allah You are such an inspiration!! Wish you and your family alot of happiness 💗 In’sha’allah and may Allah Give you sabr 💗

  • Mom of 3
    November 25, 2015

    This is spot on. This was me exactly after having my first.
    You described it perfectly.

    After your first your subsequent babies don’t seem as overwhelming as the first. The first is such a shock to the system for sure.

  • Linda
    November 26, 2015

    Dina,

    I wish that this post was made over 18 months ago. This describes my feelings exactly. Unfortunately I still experience those feelings every once in a while. However I have had depression for a long time before I got pregnant. It will get easier inshallah. If the feelings are overwhelming though, please ask for help. Not just help from family, but from a health care provider as well. Talking to a therapist or a postnatal nurse might help you. You can only try to explain your feelings to family members so many times before you get sick of talking about it, so trying to find tools to deal with your feelings might work well for you.
    I, when I am mindful enough to think of it, would do breathing exercises, would meditate, pray. This one exercise in particular helped me a lot. The purpose of it is to make you focus on the here and now. So you have to list 5 things you can see, then 4 things you can hear, then 3 things you can touch, etc. So try to engage your
    senses in what is around you so that you are in the moment and not overwhelming yourself. Also, very important, sleep when baby sleeps. That is the only way you will get some rest. Also sharing feeding duties with Sid might give you a break. If you pump enough for a couple of feeds so that you can sleep and Sid can give baby her meal, that worked for us as well.

    You will get out of this funk, you are doing an amazing job mama so be proud of yourself. Our mothers and grandmothers didn’t know it all when they had their first babies either, they had to learn on the job just like all of us did/do :)

  • jackie
    November 26, 2015

    What a lovely blog, honest and explains exactly how every mum feels when they’ve just given birth. My first child experience was very similar and as you put it my husband and I were in a state of shock for about 2 weeks. I would cry at the drop of a hat and wasn’t sure how I was coping. Worried about everything….checking if he was breathing when asleep, worried he wasn’t drinking enough of my milk, worried about people holding him….worried about everything!! I’ve just recently given birth again my baby was due on the 20th of October which was your babies birthday wasn’t it? Mashallah my baby arrived exactly 2 weeks late. I thought I’d be ok, there’s no way I’ll be in shock like the first time, I doubt I’ll be emotional I surely know how everything works I’ve done it before I’ll be fine ….wrong!! I noticed this time I became emotional around the same time as I did with my first when my milk was coming in. My nioples were bleeding and sore because the baby was feeding non stop without any milk to satisfy her hunger…..This didn’t help my mood. It’s a hormonal thing that we can’t control and after a week of feeling like this I realised it’s ok to feel emotional. Give birth is a difficult experience but also the most amazing experience. Your blog is so important because it makes mums realise it’s ok to cry and feel like you don’t know why. Inshallah you continue to enjoy the journey and your little miss is so lucky to have you xx Big hugs

  • Ru
    November 26, 2015

    Hi Dina, amazing post.. everything you said was exactly how i felt 5 months ago when i had my first baby! (Also called Hana btw :D) I was in pain, exhausted, sleep deprived, lost my appetite, i just felt like a zombie. I was so lucky Alhamdulillah that i had my mum, sisters, nieces etc around me to help with my little one. I stayed at my mums from the day i got discharged from hospital to upto 3months! I was given so much time to rest and recover while Hana was getting pampered by my huge family. I still felt lonely and depressed and wanted to shut everyone out and curl up in a ball. Eventually my mum let me go home to give it a go myself, and Alhamdulillah it has been great. Im still tired everyday, the joys of being a mum, but my hubby has been a great help, something i didnt expect.. because he seemed frightened about the whole new baby situation at first. Sometimes he’s better with Hana than i am, no joke. Hanas just over 5 months now and is such an adorable baby who plays through the day and sleeps through the WHOLE night! We love her so much and feel so blessed to have her in our lives Alhamdulillah :) xx

  • Ash
    November 26, 2015

    Hi Dina..

    I had a baby about 6 weeks ago..during my pregnancy I really enjoyed watching your preg vlog posts.

    Everything you’ve meintioned in this blog is omg everything i pretty much went through emotionally/ physically . I NEVER imagined that looking after the baby would be so hard…on the 6th day I literally had a massive emotional breakdown (had to be hospitalised on the same day for an infections which didn’t help)….
    Looking after another human life I think is physically draining more then anything and the lack of sleep seriously does get to you after a week of having the baby….keeping yourself together… Doing the basic things like washing your face go out of the window… Before having the baby the idea of not washing my face b4 bedtime seemed gross/unimaginable but now what can I say!!!

    My biggest wish now would be to be normal…And feel Like a lady again ( which I really miss… I don’t recognise myself anymore when I look in the mirror…can’t remember the last time I brushed my hair lol ).
    Getting in to a routine so that I can enjoy my baby would a miracle aswell.

    Good luck with your newborn.. xoxo.

    Ps. A big salute to all the new mums out there.

  • Emilie
    November 26, 2015

    When I read your blog , I thought this is the same s what I experienced and felt after giving birth to my daughter.Now my daughter is 8 months and it is still difficult sometimes but every day you will feel more confident and it will become easier and easier.
    Thanks for sharing this more moms should do this.
    Greetings a real fan and thanks for al the inspiration you give me whit al youre vlogs ! :-)

  • Smeralda
    November 27, 2015

    Subhan’Allah…
    I wish i have my mother With me…
    May Allah swt gives a long Life to every mothers

    ❤️

  • Safia
    November 30, 2015

    MashAllah Dina, that is so beautiful. Thank you for being so honest about life after giving birth for people like me who haven’t had a baby yet. I got very teary eyed and remembered my mother throughout this….and how strong all mothers truly are. May Allah(SWT) bless you and your family in this new chapter of your lives.

  • iron turtle
    November 30, 2015

    Dear Dina & Sid,
    Huge congratulations on the arrival of your little bundle of joy!

    Love love love your vlogs eventhough i’m no spring chicken and really have lots of work to be doing 😁 but your vlogs are so addictive!and you’re so creative,love the way you put everything together.

    ..kids are hard work , I used to say to my husband ,you might be on call with your job for a few nights a week but I’m on call 24-7! I became OCD with child no.1 too but you mellow as the brood expands,but,still, every now again i ask people nicely,you don’t have a cold do you? Have you washed your hands? 😁it’s easier to communicate your concerns than wandering and worrying afterwards

    Support whether from family or friends or neighbours or even a cleaner once a week really help in this whole new phase of your life..
    And the biggest sanity saver is sleep! Never ever say no to a naptime for yourself when someone else can mind Hannah ,sleep deprivation is the biggest dampener on things,it’s like functioning(or malfunctioning) on half the power,not a nice feeling and not nice for the child. Take it all in your stride and spend time inhaling (!) Baby Hannah because she’ll be a big girl insha Allah before you even know it! wishing you all the best always xxx

  • Sabina
    November 30, 2015

    Loved every word. You managed to put into writing everything I felt when my little human came into the world just over a year ago.
    I will say this as I too got lots of ‘advice’ sometimes from where I wanted sometimes not. What I found myself doing was taking from it all what I thought would work for both me and my child and kind of ignoring any advice which I thought wouldn’t work or I didn’t agree with.
    You will soon find out what is best for you and your child and will most definitely become more confident and question yourself less.
    Just take each day as it comes, Health visitors are really good and sometimes it helps to speak to someone who has recently had a child compared to speaking to our mothers.
    Most importantly, when you feel ready, have some ‘me time’ ! I first left my son with my mother when he was just a few weeks old and went and got a facial and a wax ! It was a much needed break, even though I did feel a little anxious and weird , I knew he was safe and I would see him soon. It was almost like recharging my batteries, getting myself ready for whatever was next….

  • Asma
    November 30, 2015

    Its so nice to read something so real about pregnancy and the after math! Although I don’t have kids or am planning any time soon, I love watching pregnancy vlogs and updates and i think its the first time i have read the struggles of a new mum besides all the glory. You put it so eloquently and even though you had your struggles you have restored so beautifully how amazing having a baby really is. Keep it up Dina, you’re doing amazing xox

  • RAHMA WARFA
    December 1, 2015

    I usually don’t comment on blogs or YouTube videos, I just enjoy and learn from them, but reading your post took me back to two years ago, when I just had my first child (boy). My situation was even worse than yours, because I had an emergency C-section that I did not plan for, I had no mother to help, cook for me, or train me. I only had my husband who is wonderful, but had hard time understanding why I was so sad just like your husband.
    I had anxiety attacks out of nowhere, I would cry every time I remembered how my life will never be the same. I have tried reading the Quran to help with my anxiety that helped a bit but my postpartum depression got worse, I lost my appetite, I stopped breastfeeding at two months, I found the whole task too overwhelming. Everyone told me things will get better and that I should I enjoy this age while it lasts, Of course I didn’t believe them.
    I then realized the only way to get my sanity back was to go back to life as it was, seven weeks later I went back to work, I found a sitter who will come to my house and watch my son for 4 hours, I felt normal again talking to adults at work, I finally got my body back (8 months later). Today at this moment am 7 months pregnant with my second kid (I never wanted kids after my first one) my oldest is 2 and is the love of my life, and can’t imagine life without him.
    What I have learned from my first experience:
    1) Relax, don’t stress, make sure you have support around you
    2) Babies are not as fragile as we think, lay them down and take your shower, eat your food, drink your coffee, trust me they are not going anywhere
    3) Different mothers do different things; do what works for you, not what works for another mother.
    4) Remember this too shall pass, in few months the baby sleeps for 7 hours in his own room, and life goes back to normal
    5) There must be a reason people still reproduce, if it is impossible task trust me no one in their right mind will keep having kids.

  • Aiman Abbas
    December 2, 2015

    This is soooo appropriate. I feel like you have written my words on my behalf. Everything is on point….
    But it gets better with time. Trust me 😘
    Hugs and kisses your way xxxxxxx

  • Laura
    December 3, 2015

    It’s my first time ever reading any of your blogs, I just watched one of your videos with the little one. I’m not a mom so I cant say I relate, but its sure nice to read and see how honest you are being, I think many new moms could certainly relate. Sometimes I feel as though I am ready to be a mom because I’ve been around my sisters kids for so long, I’ve changed tons of diapers bathed, fed, put to sleep kiddos many times…. but I think you are right, and that’s something that will just come naturally when you ARE a mom.

    Sounds like you are going great! Keep up the good work, inshallah slowing you can get more sleep in :)

  • Abigail
    December 5, 2015

    What an awesome post….thank you for sharing! I am not a mum yet but I am a Muslim and engaged and I actually have major depressive disorder so I can identify with some of those things you’re going through. Trying to explain it to my fiance is so hard and a lot of the time I get the ‘silly’ and ‘complaining’ reactions so I try to keep it inside but that just makes it worse! How do mums and any Muslim women with things like this survive and/or have a successful marriage?

  • Nikki
    December 6, 2015

    Salaam Dina.

    I hope you are adjusting to motherhood. All your fans and followers have every faith in you. You are a strong woman and believe you will excel in the role of a mother too.

    This is the first blog I have read of yours. Omg I wanted to cry. I wish I could have been there for you. You are an inspiration to not only me, it a lot of us. I want you to feel happy that you have the love and support for your fans and we will always be here for you.

    I am a 22 year old girl and this taught me a lesson for when motherhood comes to me. I have always been excited to have a child but I never think about the reality of caring for a child 24/7. I am in a relationship at the moment, and I don’t think marriage or motherhood is round the corner for me yet. I want to finish my studies and get a good job before I think about that.

    You are amazing. I love you so much. Keep up the good work. Hope yourself, Sid and baby Hana are doing well. Xxxxxx

  • Attia
    December 6, 2015

    Really enjoyed reading this. I was feeling the same this time last year and it’s great that you’ve been able to put your thoughts to pen and hopefully help alot of women out there who might be going through this but don’t understand how to process it all. Im glad I wasn’t the only one. looking back at that time now I still get overwhelmed and even to this date it can be hard especially as a working mum. Thanks for providing me with strength and positivity. And I think you are and will continue to be a great mum! Xx

  • Abidha Basheer
    December 7, 2015

    You are doing a wonderful wonderful job! Love you for honestly speaking out your experience! Being a first time mom, I went through the same phase and I can totally relate to every single word here! My son is close to 2yrs old now Alhamdulilah! Just like you I completely concentrated on the delivery part than the after parts! I wish someone told me before too! FInally I completely opened up about it all in my blog too. Thought it might help other mothers to be. You did a great job writing about this too!

    Allah bless your family with loads of happiness and health! Ameen

  • Ayesha
    December 11, 2015

    Dina, you are amazing and beautiful and smart and thoughtful and funny and genuine and you ARE a superwoman. A successful career, a beautiful family, caring friends and a great meaningful life – you are truly my role model. Always remember we are here for you just as you are here for us. Lots of love and well wishes coming your way, keep your head up <3

  • Kholoud
    December 13, 2015

    The only reason I’m writing this is because I just watched one of your videos where you said that you actually read every single comment :)).
    As a new Mum .. I totally and completely relate.
    I honestly had, and still has, a shock from taking care of a little creature. As stupid as it might sound, I was angry with my Mum and my sisters for a while, because they did not “prepare” me of the difficulty of motherhood. It’s really tiring, although it’s a total bless Alhamdullelah.
    However I need to tell you this: IT DOES GET EASIER. My daughter is six months now, and although I felt that I will never sleep again, I will never eat a proper meal, I will never have a proper shower, I will never have a proper break, I actually do now. You enter a new phase of difficulty, but it’s still much better than before, I guess you either become an expert, or it’s just that your baby becomes a little grown up and knows that sometime you need a break.
    Enjoy your restless nights, you’ll later miss them (in a weird kind of way)
    Salam

  • Tazz
    December 17, 2015

    It gets easier I promise you it does! It’s the best feeling a woman can feel. Wait till her first crawl, first word… I have a 2.5 year old and I still have the same feeling the same excitement. now I can’t wait to do it all over again. :) this is why jannat lays under the mothers feet :)

  • Aleys
    December 19, 2015

    This is a beautiful article! Dina being a mum reallu suits u, its bought out the best in u! Motherhood is teaching me who i really am now! Patience tested on a new level. I had my baby & sadly other health issues. So it was no sleep at all day/night crying. This puts into words some of what i felt. BUT u come through it stronger when u do everytin for sake of Allah & ask Him for guidance Alhamdulillah❤️ Get rid of all anxiety and just trust urself. All mums are amazing supermums. Love to all for bringing up the best of next generation.
    May Allah bless u & ur family.. May u be the best role model for ur daughter to b close to Allah(swt) and may we all meet in jannah. Ameen
    xx

  • Samina Farooq
    December 26, 2015

    Taarrrruuuuueeeee!!! Them first 100 days are the most hard. I attempted humor amidst tears and helplessness as well 😅😂😢

    http://mamalode.com/story/detail/those-first-100-days

    But rest assured these days pass and the sunshine after that is blinding bright…

  • majda
    January 3, 2016

    well glad to see that women like u share with everyone this so other futur mums will be aware!

  • Fatima
    January 7, 2016

    Dina, thank you for writing this. I’m not a mum yet, I’m not even married yet, but this made me cry at one point. I hope you, Sid, and Hana are happy as can be now and forever, inshaAllah! :)

  • nida
    January 11, 2016

    loved this blog. had my baby on nov 15,your blog pretty much sum it all up. awesome post.

  • Mishael Lee
    January 11, 2016

    Hi Dina. It’s amazing what you’ve written here. And I can’t quite say I can relate to you, I’ve was never pregnant with my own child.

    But we adopted last year (my son is 1 today!) and despite that, everything changes. I got him on such short warning (2 days actually) and while we were so busy getting ready for his arrival, it never quite sunked into my head that I’m about to be a mum (I have a teenage step daughter whom I never could quite relate with coz she just refuses to accept) until the day we took him home.

    But saying it as it is, my mother came to the rescue. And you’re right. We never quite appreciate our mothers 100% until we become one ourselves. I was in my final year in University when Baby Boy arrived and I had to induce breastfeeding – which made is all even harder.

    Mashallah, my mom was the greatest most supportive. Congratulations again on becoming parents Dina. Such wonderful blessings.

  • porn
    January 21, 2016

    Thanks for finally writing about >POSTNATAL BLUES | DINA TORKIA <Loved it!

  • Amina
    February 5, 2016

    This was very nicely written! I had goosebumps and my eyes got a bit moist at one point .. And no, I don’t even have a baby..

  • Hoda
    February 17, 2016

    Way to go ya Dina!

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    March 9, 2016

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    April 7, 2016

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  • Christina
    April 23, 2016

    Wow. You just nailed it on the head on so many levels. Even with the cat. I had my mom stay with me for a week. I knew that once she left, I’d be alone and on my own. My husband has been great. But I’m breastfeeding and it’s just different and hard. I stared feeling overwhelmed with in laws visiting and sleep deprivation and hormones going in all different directions. I decided to let my doctor prescribe something for me. But I think what’s helping most is letting my husband take over so I could sleep and hearing other moms going through the same thing. It’s very comforting to know you are not alone.

  • Susana
    April 26, 2016

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/motherhood101/permalink/1154188451292863/

    Hope this article helps! Thank you for your honesty Dina! I’ve recently started following you and your mom vlogs help! I had my second a month before yours and it STILL helps to read and watch supportive mom experiences. Keep it up. The article above helped me understand the physiological normalcy of our “crazy” (not crazy) emotions of being a mom. Society has its views of women and then there’s fact. So thought this could help.

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